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It is natural for children to have “accidents” – even after they have learned to use the toilet. It is not because they are “bad.” Learning to use the toilet is hard work. Children have to pay attention to their body signals. They have to control their muscles. They have to stop doing something they like and go to the bathroom. It is no wonder they might wet or soil their pants once in a while.
Even though accidents are frustrating, children manage better when parents are patient and caring. Children want to please their parents and feel proud that they are growing up. Helpful Hints: When Toilet Accidents Happen
 Involve your child in cleaning up after the accident.
Give your child some work to do, like changing clothes or helping to wipe the area with a rag or paper towel. Being involved helps your child know that it takes work and time to clean up from an accident.
Try to praise instead of punish.
When your child does get to the bathroom in time, say something like, “I’m proud of you!” or “You really are growing!”
Your praise means a lot to your child. Children want to use the toilet because they want to please you and because they want to feel like they are growing up.
You could help children see how well they are doing by putting stars or checkmarks on a calendar when they go to the potty on time.
Accidents often happen because children do not want to stop playing.
Children need to be reminded to stop their play to go to the bathroom.
You could say something like, “I know it is hard to stop doing something you like, but it is important to try to get to the bathroom on time.”
Accidents sometimes happen because of extra stress in a child’s life.
It is only natural that children get upset about changes in their lives, like:
- a new baby brother or sister
- changes in a parent’s work hours
- changes at the child care setting
Even changes that seem small to you (like going to a different room in the same child care center) may be big changes for your child.
Anyone who is upset about changes needs more comfort, so try to find ways to spend some close time together – rocking, looking at a book, sitting and talking about the day, or doing something your child likes.
Bedtime is an especially important time for closeness and comfort.
The accidents will probably stop on their own, as little by little, children adjust to the stresses.
 Remember that most children have toilet accidents.
Even though it is natural for parents to feel angry or upset about accidents, try to be matter-of-fact. Many children already feel bad when they have had a toilet accident. Punishment could make children feel too ashamed to try next time.
It could help to talk with a child care provider or other parents for more ideas to try.
If you are worried that the toilet accidents are going on too long (maybe for several weeks), check with your doctor or clinic. Your child might have an infection or other physical problem. The doctor could give you some other ideas that may help.
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